Reciprocity

Consider The Golden Rule: Do unto others as you would have them do to you; or treat others as you would like to be treated.

A good rule? Not according to George Bernard Shaw, winner of the Nobel Prize in Literature in 1925. Shaw is famously quoted, "Do not do unto others as you would expect they should do unto you. Their tastes may not be the same."

Shaw has quite the résumé, and many philosopher would tend to agree with him. Consider the following scenario:
A very twisted individual enjoys being hunted by people with high powered rifles. He gets a massive addrenaline rush from it that can't be beat by any recreation he has ever experienced. Following the golden rule, he decides to return the favor, terrorizing his neighborhood.

At face value, this seems to blow a hole in the golden rule. Much to the contrary, these lofty scholars have simply illustrated that the simple language of the rule isn't enough to convey it's true value. I will enterpret the golden rule and rephrase it in a way that cannot be obscured and tangled into something that it is not.

Another famous quote comes very close to describing the goal, "Kill your enemy with kindness." Significantly harder to twist into something ugly, this phrase is still too simple to truly convey the idea. Instead of cleaning to the relatively inarticulate attempts of enlightened people to convey their understanding of the golden rule, let us examine the underpinnings of the rule.

On With It
We live in a competitive world. While humans are clearly at the top of the food chain, some are more atop it than others. Few would argue that the Bush family is high on the food chain, while the transient bums on the street are low on it.

In our daily efforts to thrive, we often see in ourselves shortcomings in one area or another. We may never be as good an athlete as Lance Armstrong, as smart as Albert Einstein, as attractive as Angelina Jolie, as rich as Bill Gates, as kind as Mother Teresa, and so on. It is only natural that we see these shortcomings in ourselves and feel insecurity. Likewise, Lance will never be as smart as Albert, as good looking as Angelina, as rich as Bill, or as kind as Teresa.

The word "insecure" is derived from the word "secure". The process of securing something that is insecure typically involves defending it. To you and I, this means that we defend ourselves from injury against our insecurities.

Imagine a world where everyone is intimidated by everyone else, constantly defending themselves and internallizing conflicts. This would be a world without trust and without relationships. In this sense, a "family" is a group of people who trust each other. Within the family unit, people lower their guard. A dysfunctional family is one in which members do not believe they can trust other members; everyone raises their guard and tension arrises. Friendships often fail when one friend damages the trust of the friendship. Tensions rise.

What is the golden rule in this context? Treat the insecurities of other people delicately. Acknowledge that you have different insecurities than he or she. Best is to figure out what they compensate for and build them up in that area. If they are ashamed of their looks, complement their looks. If they think they are dumb, complement their intelligence. Build up the confidence of everyone in yoru company, and over time they will learn from your example and build you up as well. But whatever you do, don't get offended by their shortcomings. Accept them and build off of them. Build up the confidence of others as you would like to be built up.